Witness Donny's death, then write an essay about it for your college application.

Collect the clone DNA in under 10 minutes. That's it? Man, we're just giving these things away.

Beat Glorkon without getting killed by anyone... Including me. That’s right, I’ve been hunting you.

Collect all Power Babies in the game. Then prepare to have your shnudler ringled!

You did it! You killed every killable NPC! You're certified, psychopathic killer!

What the hell is the matter with you?! You actually made 100 baskets?! What are you a sociopath?!

Bounce a ball 25 times in the apartment, because apparently that's more fun than the actual game.

You made 10 baskets, now make 100! Come on, what else do you gotta do today?

Let the two arguing clones kill each other and then don't report it. This isn't a game for snitches!

Instead of feeding the poor, feed Gail's roommate in under 5 minutes!

Escape Doopy without putting boxes in the garage, because charity work is lame and you're not lame.

You got the final upgrade! You're all sticky, like a popsicle stick!

Don't kill any villagers, because God forbid you do something out of the ordinary!

Kill all of Tony's pets... I'm tired of them pooping on my lawn.

You beat the game! You can die a happy now, you slimy, little popsicle stick.

Kill every villager. That's right, we celebrate violence! What do you think about that, mom and dad?

Press the buttons on the Puzzle Tree 50+ times, cuz you don't listen, you little popsicle stick.

IT'S BBALL TIME! MAKE ONE BBALL BASKET IN THE TELEPOD LIKE A GOOD LITTLE BBALL BOY OR BBALL GIRL!

You watched a VCR tape! Was the clue clear enough for you? God forbid you figure it out yourself!

You got the high score in Space Slam, and my wife isn't dead! We're slaying it!

Jump Trover into the Acid Lake 5 times. How is this even an achievement?

Listen to all of Pop Up's introduction; ignore the homeless man being murdered outside your door.

Jopo Saves the Universe

You collected all the rare power babies! Let’s sell ‘em on my boy, T-Ham's Etsy account!

Replay the game, instead of getting a real job.

Glorkon mixed the world! What they get an achievement for that? But it’s just a cut scene!

You killed a NPC. That’s gonna affect the whole game! Your actions have consequences in this game!